Mayhem, Mischief and Chaos
by Pherusa
Summary: Now that Voldemort is dead, Harry, Ron and Hermione and the rest of the gang are back at Hogwarts to finish their last year of schooling. What results is a hilarious tale of their doings that will leave you rolling on the ground in laughter!


**Mayhem, Mischief, and Chaos**

**Setting:**  
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

**Time:**  
Harry, Ron and Hermione have hunted for and destroyed the Horcruxes during what was supposed to be their 7th year at Hogwarts, now that Voldemort is dead, they are back to finish their school career. Because they missed their last year, they are in the same year as Ginny Weasley. Neville had to repeat 7th year because he failed all his N.E.W.T.s except for Herbology.

**Disclaimer:**  
This story does not make any sense, it is abysmally random and pointless, read it if you want to laugh. We do go with cannon as far as it fits our needs and incredible taste, if not, we just change whatever we want to. And we own nothing. If we did, we would have Gerry Butler and Ewan McGregor in our rooms. We do, however, own the characters that we invented. Enjoy!

From zan189 and Pherusa.

**Chapter One – The Beginning**

It was a bright sunlit morning in late July. The boy-who-continued-to-live was torn from his sweet dreams as his brand-new super-size Hello-Kitty alarm clock went off in a shrilling frenzy. He opened his sparkling green orbs reluctantly and beheld a creature with a rubbish bin on its head muttering things like '...Son-of-a-mudblood-master wants Kreacher to make an omelet for him as if Kreacher had nothing else to do...my poor Mistress! If she saw how her faithful Kreacher was forced to labour for blood traitors and the like...'

Harry got up and went outside of his trailer to take a shower in the nearby waterfall.

_(Pherusa: Why would there be a waterfall?_

_Zan: Because it's random. This story is random!_

_Pherusa: But he lives in a goddamn trailer park!_

_Zan: So what? There can still be a waterfall!)_

After he was finished and felt all clean and gorgeous, he realised that three owls were waiting in his cozy living room which was also his bedroom and kitchen. They had brought him letters from all his dear beloved friends for his 18th birthday. The first one was from Ron, his bestest buddy ever!

_G'Day Mate,_

_You wonderin' why I'm writing in this dodgy manner, I've got an Australian exchange student over for the summer (my family can always use some extra money, y'know!) and he brought his pet gnome and he swears like heck!_

_I've learned all these Australian slang and swear words, it's so cool! I'll tell you when we get on the train._

_Well, hope you had a nice birthday and see you on September 1st dude!_

_Ron_

The second note was from his bestest female not-girlfriend-but-just-a-friend friend, Hermione 'Wise-Ass' Granger, and it read:

_Dear Harry!_

_How are you? I hope you spent your well-deserved Voldemort-free time over the summer pleasurably. Well, I went on vacation to Austria with my parents, where I met the nicest boy (don't tell Ron!) ever! There's nothing going on, really, you know me. He's going to come to Hogwarts this year, can you believe that? So don't EVER tell Ron!_

_Did you like my present? I bought it in Salzburg, it's Austrian teeth floss and it's really great, you have to try it! Also, the chocolates are called Mozartkugeln after a famous Austrian muggle composer, they're really delicious!_

_Lots of love and hugs and kisses,_

_Hermione Granger_

The smallest letter with the biggest parcel was from Hagrid, Hogwarts gamekeeper:

_Harry m'boy,_

_As you know, being my best man an'all, I went on me honeymoon with Olympe to the Caribbean. Saw lots of sea creatures and other cute animals. Yeh would have liked it. Well, thanks for saving the world from You-know-who and Happy Birthday from the two of us!_

_Hagrid (& Olympe)_

Harry ripped open his present and found one of Hagrid's infamous jaw-breaker-rock-cakes as well as a colourful parrot feather quill. He took a mental bet with his evil self that the latter had been Madam Maxime's idea. He was about to toss the cake out of the window when he noticed a small piece of parchment from his girlfriend. Harry's heart lurched in his chest and the well-known creature lurking inside him started purring like mad.

_Harry,_

_Ron is his usual perverted self and he's driving me mad, so you better get your arse over here right now! If that gnome doesn't shut up I swear I will bite off its head and force-feed it to the exchange student and say it's a Scottish delicacy._

_I know you wanted time off so you can figure things out but I really miss you and would APPRECIATE it if you could come visit me. (Wouldn't Hermione be proud of me using such a fancy word?)_

_See you on the train, Hungarian Horntail!_

_Love,_

_Ginny_

The small parcel that she had sent along with the letter held a miniature of a Hungarian Horntail to clip onto the end of his Firebolt, with a compass embedded in its head. Harry smiled at his girlfriend's thoughtfulness. Quidditch runs in her blood.

Harry spent the rest of the summer toning down his Quidditch body. On September 1st, Harry apparated to Platform 9 ¾ five minutes before the Hogwarts Express left the station. He boarded the train to find his best friends occupying the same compartment with two people he didn't recognise.

'Hey Harry, how are things going?' said Ron.

'Yeah Harry, it's good to see you!' Hermione piped in.

Ginny threw her arms around him and they had a down-right snog fest for the next 15 minutes. The two boys unbeknownst to Harry-

_(Pherusa: rolls eyes What a weird word!_

_Zan: But Hermione would be proud of us!)_

started drooling while the one with light-brown hair and sapphire-blue eyes sneaked an arm around Hermione's waist when Ron wasn't looking. The lady involved exclaimed:

'Wolfgang! Not here!'

'Oh my God, they're pashing like crazy!' the other guy said.

Then Ron said with a sly smile: 'It's a British custom to snog the first girl that throws their arms around you for 15 minutes without breathing.'

'Oh crikey!' yelled the boy from Down Under. His name was Jack, as Harry later found out. But at the moment, he was too busy.

They made their way safely to Hogwarts without anyone dying, or fainting in distress. The only distraction was brought upon them by the elderly witch that sold candy on the train. When she passed their compartment, Jack went outside to buy some chocolate frogs; suddenly the train halted and the witch was thrown off balance into Jack's arms. He immediately proceeded to snog the lady senselessly for 15 minutes.


End file.
